Why are You So White?

NOTE: this piece is part of a series discussing and highlighting Asian-American representation in light of the media success of Jon Chu’s “Crazy Rich Asians,” “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” on Netflix, and Kelly Marie Tran’s essay in the New York Times.

My parents were born in South Korea and moved to America in 1998. Three years later, I was born in St. Mary’s Hospital in Madison, Wisconsin. I didn’t know it then that despite my birthplace, my ethnicity would frame me as an immigrant in America

Over the last sixteen years, I have thankfully never been subjected to blatant racism like being told to “speak English” or “go back to my country”. I can credit that to the educated environment that I have grown up in, and my privilege to be immersed in American culture at birth. Unlike my parents, I am able to speak English fluently, keep up with US politics, and know the latest in American pop culture, making all the difference.

Despite my citizenship and these “American” qualities, I am constantly reminded that I am an outsider. Most reminders are little jokes my friends make out of good intention, something along the lines of: “Hey guys, it’s [insert one of my Asian friends’ name].” (Get it? It’s funny because my Asian friends and I look similar.)

I’m not a very confrontational person, so I usually laugh these remarks off. I don’t want to be seen as overdramatic. I rarely give jokes like this a second thought because in the pursuit of fitting in, I know I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life. Still, there is one comment that I think about constantly whether I like it or not.

Why are you so white?

I don’t even remember the first time someone said this to me. It must have been around eighth grade, when I started becoming more conscious of the surrounding culture. I started worrying more about my fashion choices and what I talked about to fit in.

I think a lot of kids experience this shift around that age, and I’ll admit that trying to be relevant is still something I think about now. I have a suspicion that many other people can relate to this, but I think people avoid talking about it because it sounds juvenile. Trying to fit in is often disguised by saying it’s personal choice, but the truth is that the choice stems from a childhood desire to fit in, and it is something we have all been influenced by.

Bottom line is, most kids, regardless of racial background have experienced the desire to be part of the “in” crowd. Unsurprisingly, that crowd is almost always defined by white culture. Famous white actors, white Instagram models, white YouTube beauty gurus: they have all defined what many other young teenage girls have aspired to be growing up.

Of course, when my white peers wear trendy clothes and use popular slang, they are just contributing to the culture they were part of. When I started doing it, it was assimilation.

Assimilation is a weighty word. Yes, I am assimilating into the dominant American culture because ethnically, I am Korean. But at the same time, no, I am not assimilating into American culture because I was born and raised in it. This is why the term Asian-American holds so much influence on many young second-generation immigrants; it combines our two often polarizing identities into one that is uniquely ours.

When people ask “Why are you so white?”, they are implying that because I am Asian, I should behave in a way that is not associated with white culture. But then the question is, what do they define as white culture? To me, white culture is what my peers and I have conformed to to be socially accepted.

But if “my peers and I” are all American, what they are really asking is, “Why are you so American?” If people actually said that out loud, they would immediately recognize how ignorant they sound.

The US is largely becoming more accepting of minorities but there is still a lack of awareness around the distinction between race and nationality. Beneath the lighthearted tone of the question “Why are you white?” is the underlying implication that being white is the same as being American, which is dangerous.

This is especially true in towns like Lexington, where there is a large minority population and lines can easily be crossed unintentionally. My hope is that society will make more of an effort to close the gap between Americans of different races, because race should never define how a person is perceived.

So yes, to answer the question, I have technically assimilated into American culture as a second-generation immigrant, but it does not make me white. It makes me American.

by HANNAH KIM