Ragin' Gaysian
NOTE: this piece is part of a series discussing and highlighting Asian-American representation in light of the media success of Jon Chu’s “Crazy Rich Asians,” “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” on Netflix, and Kelly Marie Tran’s essay in the New York Times.
If you’re Gen Z, chances are you experienced the peak of Disney Channel-classics like Hannah Montana, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody and Phineas and Ferb. My favorite was Wizards of Waverly Place, starring a teenage Selena Gomez. The one arc I can distinctly remember involved Stevie, a grunge wizard revolutionary with a shaggy haircut, blond highlights and leather boots. Basically, an instant crush. Same goes for Stella, the punk guitarist on Lemonade Mouth who forms a band. Besides their iconic haircuts and snarky attitude, the biggest thing they share in common is the actress who plays them: Hayley Kiyoko.
Being an ambitious daughter of two celebrities, Kiyoko started in the entertainment industry early. She was a professional dancer, model, singer, and actress all before the age of 16.
Fast forward a few years. Middle school me, like many others, was awkward, annoying, and confused. I had always had fleeting crushes on boys, girls and then-closeted nonbinary folk alike, but trained to think of any strange feelings for girls as simple admiration. Up until then, liking girls was only possible in the context of being more like them or becoming their friend.
Imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon the music video for the unabashedly named ‘Girls Like Girls’ music video in the summer of eighth grade. I watched two actresses I had grown up watching on Disney channel playing not best friends, but two women in love.
The music video had all the typical high school romance tropes- the heartbreak of falling for the best friend who will never see you ‘that way’ only to find out that they too were secretly head over heels for you and then escaping from the evil, manipulative partner to finally kiss and ride off into the sunset (in this case, it was done on bikes).
Except, they were girls. Girls like me.
The video validated everything that I had ignored for years and made me finally realize that I was definitely not straight.
It’s been three years since ‘Girls Like Girls’ was released. As expected of Lesbian Jesus, as she is called by her adoring fans, she released Expectations in 20gayteen. And it’s glorious.
Pop anthems like ‘Curious’ and ‘What I Need’, featuring bicon Kehlani, another queer singer of color, are the highlights of the album, while ‘Feelings’ oozes Hayley’s confident, flirtatious vocals while simultaneously incorporating moments of vulnerability (“I over communicate and talk too much”). ‘Sleepover’ is a breathy dream of a song that is romantic and sexy, much like the album cover: Hayley sits on a chair looking at a lying, naked woman whose back is to the viewer.
It’s intimate and exciting and liberating—that’s what listening to her album felt like. Like holding hands under the dinner table, or secrets you only share when it’s 3AM at a slumber party.
Hayley’s music and videos are unapologetically queer and fun, and that’s just the kind of honesty that closeted middle school girls need.
by JINHEE HEO