BHM: There are Days I Can't Stand My Hair

When I was little, I would always put long princess towels on my head at home because I loved pretending that I had long hair. I imagined that one day I would grow long princess hair like Belle or Aurora, because that was the vision of beauty I had always seen. I had a short kinky dark brown Afro that not many other kids had. All I wanted was straight dirty blond hair like my mom.

I didn’t really learn to appreciate my hair until high school. Throughout my whole life, people would come up to me and tell me, “Your hair is SO beautiful,” or “I have tried so many times to get my hair to look like your hair” and I never really understood why. My mom would take me to the mall when I was younger and the people who worked at the hair kiosks would chase after us, begging to do or try something with my hair. I figured, why would anyone want hair like mine, when I want hair like theirs? Growing up in the 2000s meant that young girls like me only saw faired-skinned, blue-eyed and light-haired Disney princesses. The beauty standards I saw represented on-screen made me believe I needed to have straight long hair someday to be loved like the female characters I followed. 

When I was in third grade, I let my mom put my hair up for the first time. Since then, I don’t think there has been a day that I’ve come to school without wanting to do my hair up. Why? Because it didn’t make me feel so different. I was the only kid I knew who didn’t wear their hair in a ponytail or in beaded braids. Every single morning, my mom would sit me down on the couch, spray my hair with cold water, and grease her hands as she applied just the right amount of detangler or conditioner to comb through my hair so that it looked “nice.” Nobody else in my class went through this. I felt insecure because I wanted to at least try and look like everyone else. 

Some days, I will wash and comb my hair right after the shower. Sometimes I get home and I’m so tired that I just take my braids out and leave my hair down. My mom tells me all the time it’s one of the best and most empowering feelings in the entire world: to wake up feeling confident and happy about my hair. I hope if I have girls of my own someday I can be help them feel beautiful in the way their hair looks.

by CAMRYN WEDGEWOOD