No One Cares How Little You Slept: Short-lived Gratification Isn’t Worth the Deterioration of Your Health
It’s a conversation we hear all the time.
“I only slept six hours last night.”
“I slept four.”
“I didn’t sleep at all.”
In Lexington High School’s intense academic environment, everything is a competition—even being miserable. We’re so stressed out that a momentary feeling of superiority is worth the unhealthy decisions we make. That’s exactly what these pity grabs are: unhealthy.
There are several names for this phenomenon, but the most accurate one, in my opinion, is “one-downmanship.” Steven Reidbord M.D defines it as “gaining advantage using apparent weakness or inferiority.” In his article “One-downmanship,” he discusses it in the context of deceiving others to receive an advantage, but usually it’s used to gain a sense of superiority or some kind of pity. One-downmanship presents a dilemma: ignore the pleas and you risk being insensitive. Give into it, and you feed an unhealthy cycle that signals to the person that it’s okay to invalidate others to validate yourself.
At the heart of this paradox is a lack of direct communication. People who one-down others want an acknowledgement that they are struggling, but they don’t want to ask for it. So instead, they seek it indirectly by putting down others.
We’re all struggling, and that’s valid. What’s not valid is comparing your struggles, deciding that you have it worse than others, and then invalidating them. Whether you do it intentionally or not, when you bring up your own problems to compare them to another’s, you’re implying that they’re not allowed to complain because you have it worse. That’s not true—everyone’s allowed to have their own problems.
One reason that one-downmanship seems so popular is that is because we tend to glorify overworking. There is an unhealthy standard that translates hard work as unhealthy habits such as sacrificing sleep. When students show how “hard” they’re working, the pride outweighs the exhaustion. Especially in a competitive environment like LHS, I’ve found that stressed-out students often desire a feeling of importance to compensate for their lack of self-esteem. One-downmanship seems to be the perfect solution to the problem. It’s low-key but provides self-satisfaction. However, it’s not healthy. Again, it raises you up at others’ expense. Additionally, those who indulge in this habit feel more inclined to be unhealthy so they can keep receiving that satisfaction of having it worse.
Instead of humblebragging for pity, people might directly seek help or validation. For example, instead of saying something like “Stop complaining, I didn’t sleep at all,” one could say “I also barely slept. It sucks that school messes up our sleep schedule.” That way, you’ll receive acknowledgment of your struggles while empathizing with others. This school needs more compassion among its students. Competition gets in our way, but being empathetic towards others is a healthy habit that should be encouraged. It encourages conversations about shared struggles and makes the school a safer place for students to open up.
by HANNAH OH