It’s Time to Dismantle the Patriarchy—But with the Help of Men
CONTENT WARNING: mentions of sexual assault, violence, and homophobia; use of gendered slurs
Are you a feminist?
“Yes!” some eagerly answer. Others cringe, denying any involvement with the “bra-burning” and “man-hating” movement.
Feminism is defined as “the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.” The broad spectrum of feminist ideologies (from radical Marxist to liberal) have different expressions of this core belief, but they all fight for equity. Many branches of feminism also place emphasis on intersectionality, which considers how the patriarchy affects all intersections of society and how multiple identities affect gender-based discrimination. Although modern-day feminism increasingly embraces inclusiveness, there are arguments that men should be completely excluded from the movement for fear that they might dominate or overtake it.
However, the contemporary feminist theory now aims to dismantle inequalities and inequities along the intersectional lines of ability, class, gender, race, sex, and sexuality. Feminists seek to change areas where these intersectionalities create imbalances in power. Intellectual and academic discussion of these inequities allows us to be aware of injustices and to work toward changing unhealthy dynamics in any scenario. Feminist political activists campaign in areas such as reproductive rights, domestic violence, social justice, and workplace issues like family medical leave, equal pay, sexual harassment, and gender-based discrimination. Any time stereotyping, objectification, infringements of human rights, or intersectional oppression occurs, it’s a feminist issue. The intersectional nature of feminism proposes that men must take part in these efforts to resolve such issues. Yet, male privilege is so ingrained in social relations and structures that it appears as natural—free from scrutiny. But, if men are still the prime beneficiaries of gender inequality, then dismantling male privilege is, at least in part, men’s work.
It’s important, though, to point out that the feminist movement is not anti-men. Rather, it is pro-equality. However, to reach equality, equity is the means to get there. The United Nations Educational Scientific and Cultural Organization states that “Gender equality, equality between men and women…does not mean that women and men have to become the same, but that their rights, responsibilities, and opportunities will not depend on whether they were born male or female.” In turn, gender equity means fairness of treatment for men and women according to their respective needs, which may include equal treatment or treatment that is different but which is considered equivalent in terms of rights, benefits, obligations, and opportunities.
The key to gendered oppression is the patriarchy, a system where men primarily hold power. The patriarchy is entrenched from birth to disempower both genders: from the moment we are born, boys are indoctrinated into the rules of patriarchy, resulting in the subordination of girls. Ultimately, men and women are taught to view their position in society differently. Subtle enforcers of gender norms—like Barbies for girls and LEGOs for boys—highlight this indoctrination such that men should want to take part in dismantling the patriarchy as well. While patriarchy oppresses women and places men in a position of superiority, it still perpetuates rigid identities and creates negative consequences for both genders. Yet the system is so tightly ingrained that many people—both female and male—are blind to it.
On the other hand, most are, in fact, aware of gendered inequalities, the greatest way being through its more violent expressions. For example, domestic violence and sexual assault are disproportionately perpetrated by men, and one in five women experience sexual violence. On the flip side, when men are survivors of abuse or assault, it’s much more difficult for them to speak up and access resources.
There are also smaller, more subtle expressions that serve to keep our gendered norms in check: clothing differences, gendered colors (blue for boys and pink for girls), girls being taught to be gentle and speak quietly, boys being taught to repress their emotions, men catcalling and practicing other forms of normalized harassment, women in positions of power having to prove themselves, women being called “sluts” or “frigid” to control their sexuality, men being criticized for “acting like a girl” or “being a pussy” to control their masculinity. The list goes on—simply think about any form of social differences between men and women, then question why they exist. These social differences, which are perceived as natural, are used to maintain the patriarchy and the status quo.
For men, gendered norms and oppression are also upheld through toxic masculinity, the idea that traditional norms of masculinity result in “harm to men, those close to them and the world we live in.” The socialization of boys normalizes violence and fosters domination, objectification of women, and homophobia. These ideologies promote emotional repression and shame for showing any “feminine” characteristics such as expressing vulnerability or nurturance. Further, adherence to these traditionally masculine norms promotes violent behaviors, including domestic violence and sexual assault. As a result, the concept of toxic masculinity is interwoven with female oppression; although feminists are focusing on the inequalities facing women, we are simultaneously trying to disempower the same constructs that negatively affect men.
Despite the negative consequences of toxic masculinity, the patriarchy continues to put cisgender men in a place of privilege. In 2014, women were just 20 percent of executives, senior officers, and management in U.S. high-tech industries, and in 2016, 43 percent of the 150 highest-earning public companies in Silicon Valley had no female executive officers. Men are so accustomed to this norm, the gender leadership gap, that it’s almost impossible to dismantle the system without many men feeling uncomfortable.
It’s also a difficult task to check your own privilege and become aware that your normalized actions—including micro-aggressions—could be contributing to such inequalities. It’s much simpler to dismiss feminists as “man-haters” or “feminazis” than to consider your own actions that might perpetuate women’s experiences. In the same vein, it’s easy to be skeptical when men do call themselves feminists; it’s commonly used to stop critically reflecting on their own behavior. The discomfort of cisgender men and other more serious consequences (such as the ramifications of the #metoo movement) is required for any tangible and long-lasting change in social attitudes. The reluctance of many men in understanding why these actions are necessary and overdue hinders the true transformation of cultural norms.
In turn, this reluctance has created a defensiveness in many feminist circles towards even engaging with cisgender men on topics of feminism. We are at a point where women can speak louder than ever before, and that makes it even more important that we retain an open dialogue with men who are on the side of gender equality. It takes time to understand the extent that patriarchy is ingrained and its negative consequences, regardless of gender. The point of the movement is to change societal norms, and a major way of doing so is by having men incorporate the feminist practice into everyday life and unlearn harmful patriarchal ideas. If you’re a man, don’t objectify or catcall women, refrain from sexist jokes and call out your friends who make them, listen to women and believe them if they’re telling you about an experience of sexual harassment, don’t call women derogatory names such as “sluts” and “whores,” don’t reduce a woman to her sexuality, etc. Ask yourself if a woman is being rude, or if have you been socially conditioned into believing that women should be warm and friendly at all times and are uncomfortable when they don't adhere to that behavior. Women are made to apologize simply for having an opinion, and if you’re a man, work to create a space so women do not have to worry about this.
From using their privilege to educating themselves through reading books, watching movies, men can most certainly be active feminists. If men are alienated from the feminist movement, it will only be harder to change the social and cultural norms that uphold the patriarchy.
by ABBY SULLIVAN