The Daily: Your Morning News Roundup (1)

Staff Baffled by COVID-19 Spit Test Result

LHS staff are reportedly in shock following a surprise result of the pooled spit tests being used for athletes and hybrid students. According to Lenny Kravitz, school testing liaison, the first sign something was not right came as the vials were being collected.

“The contents of one vial were electric blue, which seemed a little off. I was like, okay, maybe it’s not a big deal, so we went ahead with the test. It came up negative for Covid, but positive for diabetes—that kid’s spit had the highest sugar content I’ve ever seen!”

As of 4:00 pm yesterday afternoon, officials confirmed the substance was not spit and that the vial had in fact been filled with Dunkin’ Donuts Blue Raspberry Coolatta. School officials are reminding students to avoid filling their spit vials with fruit juices and other flavored drinks.

by Ian Carson