Skiers and Snowboarders Ranked By How Likely They are to Hit You
Alpine skiing is one of the few things that makes my world go round. I love everything about it, from the click-clack of my boots on hardwood floor to the roaring of the wind in my ears when I cruise down a trail. In the back of my mind, though, there’s always a little voice reminding me how dangerous skiing is and how so much of that danger is out of my control. I’ve spent years observing the people who get into accidents. After witnessing countless wipeouts, some terrifying collisions, and the death of a close family friend, I decided to compile one major list of the types of skiers and snowboarders on the slope, note how to spot them, and rank them by how likely they are to hit you on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being very low chance and 10 being very high chance).
The Ski Dad
Ski Dads are relatively easy to identify. They have an orange lens in their Smith goggles, a Northface jacket, old poles, and Volkl skis. They read ski magazines for fun, eat breakfast on the chairlift, and usually make small turns down the side of the trail because (newsflash for any newbies!) that is where the most snow is. Compared to our other skiers, they are the least likely to hit you and earn a 1/10. Ski Dads know the exact technicality of a turn — how much pressure to put where, how much weight to put on which ski, how to use the downhill ski’s edge to carve better — and they have phenomenal control. If you are looking uphill and see a Ski Dad coming down the trail, have no fear! The odds of a collision are low.
The Racer
Racers have the speed and skill most of us could only dream of having. They are very easy to spot, given the gear requirements needed to race. The most popular helmet is a Poc, but the telltale sign of a racer is if their helmet has hard ears connected to the rest of the helmet. Regular helmets have detachable ears, but in order for a helmet to be allowed in a race, it needs to have hard ears. Racers also often have Leki World Cup poles in red, or, if they are a Mikaela Shiffrin fan, in pink. They keep their Arctica snow pants rolled up to unbuckle their boots easily, sometimes wear a GS suit, and normally come in packs. Racers come in second place for least likely to hit you, with a solid 2/10. Racers are used to skiing around things, more specifically gates. The only issue with that is they view you as a gate to ski around. The odds that they actually collide with you are slim, but they might make you pee yourself when they buzz by you at a million miles an hour.
The Season Passer
Season Passers know the ins and outs of every trail, lift, and lodge at their mountain. If you are on a busy trail, there is a chance they predicted that trail would be packed and picked an alternative route. They usually are good skiers, and those who aren’t pick it up quickly after skiing every weekend. Because they ski so often, their equipment is usually high end. They have Descente snow pants, Hestra gloves, Salomon boots, Volkl, Atomic, or K2 skis, and an H/H, Arcteryx, or Patagonia jacket. Their equipment is the Louis Vuitton of the ski world. Season Passers generally have more technique than control, but because they ski so often they know the dips and drops of the trails by heart, so they can predict how their skis and bodies will react to the slope. They stray away from the pricey lodge food that adds up quickly. They eat lunch super early or super late to avoid crowds, and usually coop up in the back corner with a PB&J sandwich from home. Season Passers come in third place, with a 3/10 because they typically ski well and avoid the busy trails.
The Retro Racer
Retro Racers yearn to relive their glory days. They usually still have their neon Swix poles, a race helmet (solid ears!), along with their Rossignol or Lange boots, and sometimes a Buff face mask from an old race. Retro Racers usually have stellar control and are itching to buzz down the slope. Their only issue is their legs are no longer made of steel. Sometimes trying to relive their glory days can take a toll on you. However, most of the time, their muscle memory can kick in and they buzz right around you. Given their experience, Retro Racers get a 3.5/10.
The Young Child
The Young Child is, quite literally, a young child. They are small, struggle to get on lifts, and usually have skis roughly the size of their bindings. The Young Child ranges in age and size, and sometimes has a parent, quite literally, attached to them (leash skiing is very popular right now). The problems start when they’re not attached to a parent. They are unpredictable and like to make turns across the entire trail. Young Children are difficult to pass because they look like they are about to turn but then— surprise!—they don’t. Some of them appear to be fearless as they bump down the trail with their skis in a pizza, but no matter their speed, they are rarely in control. They look like huge, neon marshmallows and sometimes have their goggles swinging off the back of their helmet. However, because they are slow, you are more likely to collide with them than they are with you, so the Young Child gets a 5/10 on the scale.
The Freestyle Skier
The Freestyle Skier can be dangerous, but thankfully they are easy to spot. Their skis are wide, sometimes with funky designs. Popular freestyle ski brands are K2, Line, and Black Crows. Freestyle Skiers usually keep their hoods up and sometimes don’t have poles. While their home on the mountain is the terrain park, for various reasons they venture out to the rest of the mountain from time to time. When they do, keep your eyes peeled. They won’t be on the lookout for you, so be on the lookout for them. Freestyle Skiers are always coming out of nowhere, they are always bombing down the trail, and they are always looking for the biggest jumps. If you are on the trail, maybe on a steep pitch or a patch of ice that makes you nervous, and you see a Freestyle Skier coming, let them pass. Freestyle Skiers get a 6/10 because they rarely look before they leap.
Vacationer
Vacationers are known for causing quite a bit of trouble on the mountain. They stand out easily, and are the reason the lift lines are so long during break or long weekends. Vacationers have semi-clear Dalbello boots and blue Blizzard skis with a dreamcatcher. (It is a strange, but consistent combo, look next time you ski, you might notice it too!) Vacationers also have reflective goggles, but the knock off ones with lenses that look like a bent sheet of plastic. They have stickers covering their helmet, and their Scott poles are a little bit banged up. They come in packs, swarm the trail, and they are more focused on taking photos for their Instagram than skiing. When they do get around to skiing, they are often erratic since they lack control. The odds that they collide with you are roughly 7/10. The best way to steer clear of Vacationers is to go on another trail or find a way to get in front of them. Trying to ski next to them or behind them is a death wish.
Amateur
I have no issue with most Amateurs. I love skiing, and I love that other people want to love skiing. The only problem I have with Amateurs is when they try to be heroes and brave the real mountain instead of staying on the bunny hill. Almost every mountain has an area designated for those who are learning to ski, so if someone is learning to ski they should ski there. If there is no beginner area, find another mountain! Come back later! Amateurs put everyone else in danger when they try out the blue right off the main chair lift. I usually know it’s time to call it a day when I see several Amateurs wiping out on the trail, but the big red flag for me is when they have to take off their skis and walk down the trail. If Amateurs are wiping out left and right, their skis popping off and poles rolling down the slope, it doesn’t matter how good of a skier you are. They could easily take you out with them and that could be the end of your skiing career. Amateurs get an 8/10, and the only reason they aren’t a 10/10 is because a redeeming handful of them stay on their section of the mountain.
Cool Snowboarder
The Cool Snowboarders have fancy Oakley goggles, a backpack, a bright jacket, baggy Burton snow pants, and almost never a helmet. Okay, buddy. Don’t wear a helmet. See how that goes for your long-term health and concussion list. If they don’t care about themselves enough to protect themselves, what makes you think they care enough about you to protect you? A general rule of thumb, especially when the conditions are subpar, is to stay away from all snowboarders. They can’t see half of the trail in the first place because their back is turned, but they’re never paying attention to what’s happening on the other half either. Learning to recognize the ear-piercing scrape of a snowboard sliding against the snow so you can get out of the way is a critical part of learning to ski. Cool Snowboarders get a 9/10 because they rarely pay attention and can’t see you half of the time.
Edgy Snowboarder
Edgy Snowboarders are the type of people who promised their mom it wasn’t a phase. They wear similar outfits to Cool Snowboarders, but everything, except their snowboard, is a shade of grey or black. They gravitate towards Oakley goggles, but any reflective ones will do. The signature look of an Edgy Snowboarder is the pom pom hat. Whenever I see a snowboarder with a pom pom hat, I get away as quickly as I can! A few years ago, at Jay Peak up in Vermont, an Edgy Snowboarder crashed into my friend and broke her arm. My friend did nothing except ski in front of him, and yet that was enough to cause a collision. Therefore, Edgy Snowboarders easily deserve a 10/10 on the scale.
Not everyone on a mountain will fit into these categories. In fact, a lot of people will not fit into these categories. Some people will be a mix of two, some people will be a combination of several, some people will not even be remotely close to any of the stereotypes I listed. The point of this article wasn’t to categorize every single person on the mountain. Instead, it is to help skiers learn to recognize and predict the type of skier/snowboarder someone could be, and to help people if they are in a tough situation. If you are stuck on the side of the trail, look up the slope and see a small group of kids with hard ears on their helmet, I hope you recognize that they’re Racers and feel less worried. On the other hand, if you are stuck on the side of the trail, look up the slope and see a snowboarder with baggy Burton snow pants and a pom pom hat zipping down towards you, I hope you get out of the way.
Over the many years that I have skied, whether it be as an Amateur side slipping down the bunny hill, a Vacationer taking photos at the summit, or a Racer with rolled up Arctica snow pants, I have made unforgettable memories and amazing friendships that I will always cherish. I believe skiing has a way of bringing people and communities together that is unparalleled by most sports, and I hope everyone takes the opportunity to safely hit the slopes when given the chance.
by HANNAH ELEFANTE