School Plan for Full Return to Involve Shoving Students into Unused Lockers
Dr. Julie Hackett’s announcement that LHS would return to full in-person learning on May 17th came as a surprise to many in the school community. Now, as the reality of this fast-approaching date sinks in, the administration is realizing that much is still needed before the opening date: they must finalize a new schedule, develop protocols for students who will remain virtual, and find a way to get that kid in the back of your english class to wear his mask over his nose.
School officials are also considering the possibility that it might be a good idea to inform “those adults in the building who, like, tell the students stuff. Teachers! Yeah, that’s the word” about the change. As of publication, Principal Stephens has drafted a three line email he is preparing to send to these mysterious “educators.”
But the biggest breakthrough in bringing students back was the plan for eating lunches at school. “We have added additional eating spaces at LHS in preparation for the return,” said Principal Stephens when I sat down with him to discuss the new system.
Stephens is alluding to part one of a two-pronged plan designed to facilitate safe eating at the school. LHS is leveraging a resource most of us didn’t even consider—lockers. Under the new system, underclassmen will be assigned a hallway locker inside of which they are to eat. Why underclassmen? “We’re hoping that they’ll be smaller than the older students,” says Stephens, “but we are also equipping the custodial staff with a drum of automotive grease to get students unstuck if things go south.”
Stephens then turned to talk about the plan for juniors and seniors, who were ruled out of the locker system after a failed pilot program left three juniors stranded next to the ceramics classroom. Stephens emphasizes that the school “had them mostly out and home with their families within a couple of days,” but admits that the disappointing results forced the school to rethink their approach to older students.
The solution? What the school is calling eating advisories. Small groups of students will be matched with random faculty members and assigned to report to Commons 2 at one of 27 blocks from 8:30 to 2:30. “The students will then have 1 minute to eat as much food as they can, at which point Mr. Baker—who will be standing by—will blow an air horn and the next eating advisory will have a turn to eat lunch.” Stephens says he got the idea from seeing a hot dog eating contest on TV.
“We anticipate that these groups will provide a sense of community and emotional support for students.” At this point, our interview was cut short as Stephens received word that three students had tested positive for COVID and 25 close contacts would need to be sent into quarantine.
by IAN CARSON