PSAT Thoughts

I’ve gathered everything I need for the PSAT: social security number, birth certificate, passport, student ID, old student ID, printed testing ticket, and pencil case. It takes everything in me to not bring my therapist and a box of tissues as well, but the College Board website explicitly states that only No. 2 pencils shall be allowed in the exam room with no exceptions. EVER. I’m stressing so much over this exam because it is literally the only way to measure my worth, success, and potential—academically speaking. In fact, scratch the “academically speaking” part off of that last sentiment: do poorly on this test and you’re better off dead. The harsh truth is, if you're not a National Merit Finalist, why would you bother with school anyway? At that point, you're better off joining the circus or selling marijuana out the back of your Chevy. 

To avoid such a catastrophic fate, I have curated a strategy for every part of my exam preparation to optimize for the HSP (highest score possible). The outfit I selected for exam day was meticulously thought out: breathable gray sweatpants to comfort any anxiety-induced stomach aches, a red T-shirt (my lucky color), a warm zip-up in case the exam room gets cold, and a fitted, jet-black blazer to boost my confidence. “Dress for success,” they say. But beyond clothing, I’ve even optimized my diet for the HSP, down to the very minutia of my brain chemistry. Indeed, in the days leading up to the exam, I completed a 72-hour fast for increased mental clarity and discipline. On the exam day itself, I took a mixture of vitamin C powder and pink Himalayan sea salt, drinking nary even a single sip of water to optimize the amount of electrolytes in my brain. I also had a cup of dry, uncooked oats for sustained energy, along with 3 tablespoons of white granulated sugar for more immediate energy. Finally, on the morning of, I performed a set of rituals that have empirically resulted in my practice PSATs going well. Such rituals include a 5-minute candle meditation session, a 7:30 level 6 incline walk on my treadmill, and a listen to Don Toliver’s entire discography. A graph has been provided below with the efficacies of these rituals along with standard error bars. 

by ANAYA JOSHI